Painkillers, aliens and giant worms
Now she tells me it’ll take six weeks of recovery?
Why didn’t anyone tell me before they started carving me up? The first doctor said fibroids could be removed with keyhole surgery. To be honest, the thought of these creatures growing on my uterus was so disturbing that all I wanted was to have them out. They had messed up my back – months of early morning aches and pains, not to mention a daily sense of hang over was really getting me down. It crept up on me so slowly I didn’t really notice how bad it was until I felt a lump in my lower abdomen. Convinced I had cancer I rushed to the doc who confirmed that all these symptoms were simply the result of benign non aggressive fibroids. I should have them out whenever was convenient. Simple, easy, no problem.
The scan confirmed I had 5 fibroids, two were large –seeing the black and white balls snuggling up against my uterus caused a rush of testosterone. I imagined a group of alien, balls of veins, dark red and bloody consuming the nutrients from my uterus. Bastards. But I was convinced they were small unimportant bastards.
I scheduled surgery – 8 am in to surgeryon Wednesday – I’d be out by Friday, back to work Monday.
Nothing is what they say it is. Why did nobody prepare me for the terror of being wheeled into the theater and then poked and prodded with so many different needles by people in masks, I had gadgets in both arms! But it was the sight of white gum boots on my doctor put me out well before the anesthetic took effect.
My next memory is of people trying to wake me up, my mouth is dry, my belly is in excruciating pain and everyone is coming in and out of focus. It’s a living hell and seems to go on for ever.
Finally I can focus but my body is spent. I need a drink but am not allowed one. I take a sip anyway. Everything is new to me, using a bed pan, taking a bed bath, I’m on painkillers but am in constant pain, feels like weeks – it’s actually two days.
The fibroids are brought to me one particularly lucid moment – a huge jar of potatoes swimming in diluted blood. Disgusting, deformed, white, hard and crunchy looking – not what I expected. Am so happy they are out – but there are over 10 of them – like a kilo of peeled mutant potatoes! WTF are they and WTF were they doing inside me?
It’s a week later and I am now at home. I can sit up, walk, eat …still can’t take deep breaths or laugh but that’ll come. The painkillers are infuriating – they put me into a state of complete dopiness. It’s almost nice, but I’m hallucinating. I worked out that between 12 noon and 12.30 I dreamed enough for a month. Totally lucid dreams of waging a war against giant white leech like worms
Thats not me but the worms were that big but much more aggressive – and the ground was heaving with them. I had to sacrifice them a giant bonfire, only they are getting onto me and I can’t kill them fast enough. They are burning my skin. I’m sweating from the heat, I wake up and go back to sleep, the worms are coming out of the fire, surrounding me, nobody else is helping to kill them, the tools I have are useless for pushing worms into fires, they break into pieces and start forming writhing masses of new worms….my body is covered in welts where the worms acid has gotten to me. I look at my watch – hardly anytime has passed, now I’m on a rocket, but my seat is a school chair, in the Q zone. My seat isn’t even attached to the floor. As the rocket takes off my body is pushed against the rockets sides…we land somewhere in the frozen north America, there’s one cottage in a snowy field. I walk towards it and meet an old friend from school she is losing her eye sight. It’s just like my other friends – why are we all on the same flight? I read up about pesticides and discover a great conspiracy, they are going to kill us all, I work out that the lethal dose is a fraction of what we are eating every day, I must tell someone, write a report, make a presentation. It’s all planned out. I wake up again, not even half an hour has passed by…I feel groggy but something must be done. I roll over and jump out of bed as carefully as my aching belly will let me, I am on a mission, but my energy drains immediately, I take a slow shower and by the time I am dressed and down stairs the dreams are no longer real. What has any of this got to do with anything at all? I wake up again and am still in bed, Peter is beside me, reading a book, he puts his arm over me and I drift off again. …by 4 pm I realize I am alone still in bed in a cold sweat. It’s all in my brain, I’ve got to get off these pills.
I’ve stopped taking the painkillers this morning – so far so good –as long as I stay in one position it doesn’t hurt too much…yet.
I could make myself a sandwich but the dogs ate all the bread last night – thoughtless bastards. It’s too far to go anywhere to get more. It’s been raining – outside is just one giant mud-slobber. I can hear birds and wind, or is it a plane. I feel like my head is full of wool – I feel super dopey. My belly aches.
I’ve watched all the videos in the house – at least twice. I can’t focus enough to read…the internet is on super slow – I can barely type. The BBC radio is so repetitive, have no TV reception.
I’m trying to look on the bright side. Only two more weeks of this torture. Why didn’t anyone warn me?
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- carbon emissions
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